Written by: Abigail Alvarado

It all started when my birthday came around in December of 2022. I had a rough time last year as a freshman, and many aspects of my personal life fell apart, so knowing that I got through another year of life was truly a blessing. The list could go on of what went wrong, but the worst thing that happened was that I was so close to losing my faith entirely. There were moments when I did lose my way because I was so blinded by anger and sorrow; yet, He always reeled me back in just close enough within His reach. I didn't know how to handle my chaotic emotions such as anxiety, fear, insecurity, anger, perfectionism, and depression, and I tried to handle it all on my own and do it my own way. I was always in this constant struggle between my own will and fully surrendering to God, so I was utterly exhausted by the end of the year. 
 
Suddenly, everything just finally clicked for me on my birthday. Just days before, a good friend of mine lost their way from the Lord. This event made me reflect upon my own salvation and realize that I could have lost my way just as easily. So, I was in my living room lifting my hands and worshiping God for the last minutes of my 19^th year of life. With everything that went wrong, the last thing I could've been doing was worshiping God. Yet, I was still standing with my salvation intact. I began to cry because, logistically, I wasn't supposed to be there with my faith unbroken. It was that moment when I realized what was most important to me: my salvation and faith in God. 
 
In that moment, I understood the eternal value and preciousness of my salvation. I didn't care about the times, records, successes, and losses in track…all that mattered to me in those last few minutes was the state of my salvation. Everything that I was so focused on as an athlete absolutely did not matter in the end. My mindset shifted because if I lost my salvation trying to gain a new record, then I've lost everything. This was so contrary to how I lived most of my life; I was so fixated on winning and setting records that I lost who I was entirely. This revelation changed the game for me because I finally allowed God to take over and transform me. 
 
The minute I got back on campus, my mission was to create a life outside of athletics. I got connected with my church, I made some new friends, and I started to do new activities that reminded me that I'm not just a time or number. It was uncomfortable and awkward, but the joy I've gained from these activities has been so worth it. This freedom from the overbearing pressure to perform began to translate on the track. No longer did I see myself as just a track athlete, but I began to see myself as a child of God who was fun, free, happy, and loving. God was shifting my perspective on how I see myself because despite what the world may tell me, my worth isn't in a number. It took me a while, but I understand now that my life is so precious that Jesus went to the cross to die for me.  
 
As I got further into my season, I began to realize that how I raced reflected how I approached and lived my personal life. With that said, it wasn't easy facing the hard truths about myself. For those who didn't know me in my freshman year, I ran scared, tense, and insecure because I lived scared, tense, and insecure. There was no hint of confidence or boldness in me. I knew God and his character, but I wasn't living in the fullness of His promises that he called me to live in. 
 
So, as I've competed this year, God has been showing me characteristics of myself that He's been wanting to transform. With each revelation He has given me, I've had to accept it, face it, understand its root, surrender it, and heal from it. Evidently, He would reveal all this to me through every failure on the track. For example, I would get so nervous before my races that my body would go numb—I've let the fear of my circumstances be bigger than the Jesus in me, I would hold back and slow down mid race—I feared that I wasn't enough, I gave up because I was afraid of the girl next to me—fear of man, and the list goes on. 
 
However, I wouldn't beat myself up about each failure like I used to because I knew what He was doing behind the scenes. During this period of failure, I've learned that his voice is gentle and kind during correction. I've lived my life in fear of the shame that failure creates, but I realized that God doesn't create shame…God creates redemption from failure that only His grace can achieve. Through each failure, God has been tearing down my perfectionistic mindset and silencing my cruel self-critic. As I've grown closer to God and more accustomed to His ways, I've been able to see myself the way that He sees me. More than ever before, I can give myself the grace that He has graciously given me. Now when I go out to race, it's no longer this insecure and fear-filled voice guiding me, but instead it's this peaceful, confident, and secure voice directing me. 
 
With each race, I grow more confident in God and his word over my life. Track is where I can directly apply and practice my faith which I'm so grateful for. Even though it can be different for many people, track is the means that God uses to transform me and shape me to who He has called me to be. I've found that with every struggle and fear I have on the track, I can look to Jesus for the answer. On the other hand, every victory I have is a result of a supernatural breakthrough in my spirit due to the behind-the-scenes work: the worship, the tears, the counseling, the studying, the prayer, etc. 
 
As I look back over the course of these past 3 months, I see Jesus redeeming every situation that I've messed up. All the tears and all the pain that I felt last year, He's using for His glory now. When I'm reminded of the transformation power of Jesus Christ in my life, all I want to do is worship and fall in love with Him all the more. I tear up knowing what God has brought me out of and what he's bringing me into now. I'm so undeserving of his grace, yet I cherish this gift with all my heart. In just 3 months, He has broken the chains and lies that I've lived with for the past 20 years. Now there's a new spring in my step and a new confidence in me as I grow closer to God on and off the track. There is still so much to do and so much to learn, but I can't wait to see what God has in store for me.